Tuesday 10 April 2012

Letter 10 Background


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Hello from Shandra.
            After telling Shanti how much he is enjoying the correspondence, this letter from Joseph opens with the usual comments concerning photos being swapped etc.
            Joseph is asking if the Red Sari Series is, in fact, a strip tease where he hopes Shanti will remove all her clothes and end up naked. The next point tells us about some pics he sent, of both himself and Lizamoa in brief underwear so Shanti and Mike can view their bodies as well. Finally, we see another instalment of the ongoing debate about the Indian Sari compared with Western dress.

            A few comments on topless and nude bathing in New Zealand lead smoothly into the story, “Lizamoa in the Court-Yard.” This story was another way we were exploring the exhibitionist idea of appearing naked in front of a stranger.

            When I finished writing the first version of this story I was very happy with it. I still think it was up there among the best stories I have written but when I showed it to my friends I soon discovered there was still room for improvement.
            I showed it to Anne and she thought it was good but the English was too correct so I then reworked the whole story fitting in some bad grammar. This made the story appear to have been written by someone whose English is not quite as good because, for Joseph, English is supposed to be his second language.
            Allan Jr. then suggested that I should work some speech into the story. With his help, I added that short conversation where Lizamoa tells Joseph what she has been doing. This is the first time we had used speech in any of our stories and I believe it works well as a build-up to the point where Lizamoa bares everything for the neighbour. Conversation has since become an important part of our storytelling.
            Finally, Susan had some suggestions too. She said she thought it would be interesting to include some of Liz’s feelings while she was doing this. We finally settled on what she was thinking in the shower just after her first reveal. Susan’s second suggestion was that Joseph and Lizamoa were so turned on by her appearing naked in front of the neighbour, that as soon as she returned to the house they went straight into some bedroom fun. Well, all loved this idea, a good idea and so I quickly added this too.

            This is how the group editing machine has worked on most of the letters we have written. It works well as many great ideas have come from reading each other’s work. These comments and suggestions had the effect of making what I thought was a good story even better. The only problem with this is that over time our writing styles progressively have moved closer and closer together until now it is often hard to tell who wrote which parts in many stories.

            Kia Kaka - Kia Kaha.
                  Be safe - Be strong.
                        Shandra.

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5 comments:

  1. Hi Shandra. Also Hi to the other writers.
    You are telling us about how this story was written and we like that. I know the best part is the sexy stories but us girls have enjoyed learning about how those other people added and improved your story. Do you mind that it is now not all your own? I think that you are Ok with this when it comes to making the story better.
    The four of us, Sakura & Tukiko and our two husbands sat around a table and talked about this story. I read the story and Tukiko read the beckground because the men had missed that out. See rushing to find all the sexy bits like typical men. We then disscused the story about how it was written and what makes it a good story and we all agree that the conversation that Allan added was an important part.
    Now we are trying to think if we have met Allan. I know we saw Anne only once when she was in Japan but we can’t remember a European husband. Maybe she was still single back then.
    Now came a little surprise for us. It was mentioned that Asami and Ayaka went skinny dipping. Oh wow! We did not know about that either. We can now see two more naughty girls. Ha. Ha.
    Sakura & Tukiko

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    1. Hi Sakura & Tukiko and you two guys too.
      I like your style. Reading our stories then discussing them. Keep that up. I've already talked about how this story was written so I won't add any more to that.
      When Anne was in Japan. Allan Susan and I were there as well. Do you remember a European couple at Anne's Auntie's house. That was Allan and Susan. I was the Indian girl with them. We didn't stay that long before we left. And no Allan is Anne's partner. They are not married.
      As for those two joining us skinny dipping. Everyone does at our waterfall. So if you come to New Zealand I'm sure you will join us too LOL
      Bye now Shandra.

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    2. It has been so long since we were on this page. I just happened to open it and read your comments Shandra.
      I showed it to the other three. So you are inviting us to visit that famous waterfall where all clothes are removed.

      I am expecting to be in New Zealand this summer your time. Yes we will go to your waterfall happy. And yes we will remove for you and go nude for skinny dipping.
      I am personally a bit excited to be even writing those words.
      Sakura & Tukiko

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  2. Like has been said in the comments under the story and in the notes and comments on this page, Letter 10 must be the best so far. It is interesting that as for content it is not that particularly daring. Just a girl taking off her clothes. You would consider the 4 girls getting naked on the beach to have been a lot more sexy but this was not the case. When you add in that she knows the neighbour is peeping trough the curtain at her, suddenly its a totally different game. It all comes down to how you delivered the story Shandra. In this case it was excellent
    My only problem would be the part where she buys the Bra & Pantie set. This doesn't explain it enough. Maybe describe her receiving and opening the packet and trying them on. Capture her excitement as she tired it on.
    Other than that Joseph askes "You have a great body. Why should other guys notice you?" You know of course that this is totally wrong but I have the feeling it was written like this. Am I right? Then why not just change the first part "You have a great body, Lizamoa." Then your readers will not loose track of who is talking.
    As I see it. Amy

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    1. I know its been a long time Amy but thanks for your comments here.
      I like your suggestions but I believe its too late to make changes now.
      If we ever go to a new printed version I might re-do this story.
      Shandra

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