Saturday, 28 December 2019
Story 228 Part Three - Background.
G"day from Rochelle. LOL
It is all about two sheilas who reckoned they had what it takes to knock off a story for this blog! Hope we swing it and you guys like it or we'll be looking like a right pair of drongos.
Hi from Julie,
This is the third part of two couples swapping partners in the Aussie outback. We've learnt a lot from the first two and we tried to take on board what our critics have told us. Moa, especially thanks to you.
The first thing you should notice is some Aussie slang we've thrown in. As you can see above, we had a lot of fun with that. Its got around the group a bit too with everyone here try Aussie slang mixed with kiwi slang, using those silly sayings, people called each other galahs and drongos, names for those who don't seen so smart.
We also worked on the sex too. First, we allowed Katrina to take over and almost run things. Ian mentions her as being an Indian Tiger. Secondly, we wanted to get into some different positions too. Maybe more variations of the usual sexual positions the writers have tended to use but I think they will appear a bit different too. Thirdly, we wrote how Ian missed getting there in the second sex scene. This is the old idea, 'sex is never perfect' which has been debated enough recently. In our case, we used it to add in a bit of extra fun and another sexual position too.
Go read the story and you'll see what I mean.
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Kia ora naughty readers and writers,
ReplyDeleteRochelle and Julie, what an improvement between 228 Part Two and this 228 Part Three. You really took on board what I told you. I am proud of you both. Maybe others helped but I don't want to know - this is your story.
The first thing I noticed was "G'day!" Well done with that. You've really given Ian a stand-out personality with the 'Aussie' slang. Further down I became concerned you might be overdoing it but no, you dropped away from the slang during the sex scenes which balanced it out nicely. You don't need more than a word here and there when using 'local speech' to give a local accent. Keep in mind that many of your overseas readers might not understand those words. So writers use but don't overdo slang or local language.
Next thing that stood out for me was the sex scene. Two things here; First Katrina almost taking over and running things. Second was the variety of sexual positions. I would not have thought a man like Ian would have allowed that but you wrote it that way and it worked. Sort of writing I would have expected from Susan with the Indian men.
The sex was ripper. LOL Really refreshing to break away from 'man-on-top' to 'girl-on-top' positions. I see Katrina used three different positions during her girl-on-top scene. You decided to use the idea of sex not working out perfectly. Again, this is personal choice and it seemed to work out ok.
One slightly negative point, you mentioned Ian noticed Katrina's skin colour a few times. While this would be something they would notice since Ian is white and Katrina is Indian. The racial variety in the writers team and in your readers should be reflected in the stories which is great, really something to celebrate but don't over do it.
I read this yesterday morning soon after it was published. Not much notice on publishing I think. Then we really put the story to the test in the car driving down from Northland to Wellsford. Kura read it out while we listened and I made notes to send to you. When the story ended I had only 5 points. Very minor. With a couple of spelling problems and you ended up with seven points I wanted to bring to your attention.
Very good! Very well written story.
Moa & Kura.
Such a long comment Moa. But I do enjoy reading them. I read your comments and then read the story concerned again. Gives me much more insight into the story writing.
DeleteLike you I noticed the difference between the two stories. What you said about Part Two has been used with this story.
Mave.
Thank you for your comments Moa. Yes, I have told you in person today but want others not here to know that too.
DeleteWe have done some of your suggestions but some we will leave as they are.
Julie.
Thank you Moa and all others who have made comments about our stories. I am really happy that you enjoy this story. We tried to make it different from others concerning just two people but this proves difficult with some many other stories written by other writers.
DeleteOur solution was to change some of the sexual positions and add in some slang from Australia. I hope this works for you too.
Rochelle.
The structure of this story is rather interesting. First, you took a lot of time going over a history of old stories regarding Ian's point of view. I have tended to do that too in some of my stories.
ReplyDeleteNext you moved quickly into the sex scenes. This was a complex section with a larger number of positions used and at least three separate sessions. But the story ran well and flowed smoothly through these scenes. Yes, it was sexy and we enjoyed it.
Good job girls!
Ronnie & Mary.
Don't you think it might have been too much going over those other events again. We all have read them, all know them so what is the point?
DeleteI don't mean to pull down your good story but just wondering why you repeat yourself so much in these stories.
This was a very good sex scene. Loved how you did the different positions to make your story standout. Liked the Aussie slang too.
Brett & Rita.
No Brett and Rita,
DeleteGoing over the older history was important for Ian's story. You must notice there was a particular interest in Katrina.
And just think, we would have missed that mental image of Kala as a topless bar maid. Wow! I think I need to sit down.
Horny Hirohiko.
Do my bare tits excite you that much Horny Hirohiko?
DeleteThe Real Kala.
Yes they do Kala. Such beautiful breasts. But everything else about your body excites me too.
DeleteHorny Hirohiko.
When is the next story due and what is it about?
ReplyDeleteBrett.
Not sure when they will be ready but Kim and Allan snr are writing it so its bound to be messy.
DeleteAnne
Story 229 was completed last night. It was sent to me to proof read today. I am expecting publishing soon. Maybe tomorrow is my guess.
DeleteAsami will be sending out an announcement via our social media later this morning and that should throw more light on their publishing schedule.
Anne.